48 Hours
by Designated Writer
Summary: How one's life can change in only 48 hours. Complete!
1. 48 Hours

**__**

48 Hours

Sitting here in the chair, I can hear his voice outside the room and know he will be in here as soon as he gets the latest update. Sure enough, here he is. He informs me before even fully in the room,

"Daphne, you need to get some sleep. Dad said he'll stay with him."

I don't say anything but continue with my task at hand. I stroke down Niles' feverish face with a cool washcloth. Carefully, I circumnavigate the breathing tubes that are inserted into his nostrils and that are delivering the life assisting oxygen.

"So, come on…" Frasier extends his hand out to me, "...let me drive you home."

"I want to be here when he wakes up," I insist.

"I know you do, but it won't do you, or the baby any good if you stop taking care of yourself. Not to mention the fact that Niles would never forgive any of us if something happened to you or your baby."

I knew he was right, damn it. But, I couldn't leave Niles. Not now…not like

this…not...not…

"Oh Frasier…" I wail out.

Frasier drops to his knees and draws me into a hug. "It's okay Daph. Just let it out," he tries to comfort me.

"How could I allow this to happen to him?" I question.

-------

48 hours earlier…

"You still haven't called, have you?" I scolded as our waiter at Café Nervosa brought him his 'bottled water, room temperature'. "You've been complaining about that bloody tooth for weeks, and I'm sick of hearing it."

"I was going to call this morning, but I had patients scheduled straight through until lunch, and…ow," he tried to explain, or more like it, make excuses, and rubbed his sore left jaw.

I had had enough, "Give me your cell phone," I demanded.

He removed it from his pocket and handed it over to me.

I punched in the number. "Hello, my name is Daphne Moon Crane, and I'm calling to make an appointment for me husband, _Dr._ (I really empathized that word) Niles Crane."

"Daphne, you don't need to…" he sputtered.

"Hush!" I reprimanded him again. "Yes, I'm still here. You can? Great. Thank you so much, he'll see you then."

I hung up the phone and handed it back to him. "Get out your appointment book."

He did as instructed.

"Tomorrow morning. 11am. Sharp." I curtly relayed the information.

"I'm surprised they got me in so quickly," he commented while writing it down.

"Me too. Especially since Saturday mornings are their busiest day."

"Oh good, it's early enough that it won't conflict with my and Frasier's boys day out." He smiled.

"But…" he started.

"What is it?" I asked firmly, refusing to let Niles find some reason to wiggle out of this appointment.

"I have appointments until 8:30 tonight. Could you run by the drugstore on your way home this afternoon and pick up my prescription for me?" He asked as he pulled out his cell phone to place the call to the pharmacy.

Niles has a congenital heart disorder, has had it since he was a young lad. I think he called his condition Moderate Aortic Stenosis. He had explained to me shortly after we had gotten married more about his condition. How even the simplest things that most of us take for granted, he had to take more seriously. How something as routine as going to the dentist could be deadly for him.

He explained that because of his condition, it meant that whenever he visited the dentist he had to take antibiotics. Cause if he failed to do so, he was at tremendous risk for a serious infection.

"Hey Daphne," my best friend Roz called out me name and pulled up a chair at our table.

"I came up this great game for your baby shower tomorrow afternoon…" she started to share.

"Oh, I think that is my cue to leave," he joked as he stood up and got ready to go back to work.

He then leaned over and patted my tummy. "Take good care of Mommy for me," he then kissed me on me cheek.

"This is what I was thinking…" Roz started again.

"Don't forget to pick up my prescription for me," he whispered and reminded.

He can be so selfish at times, I thought. Couldn't he see that Roz was talking to me? I waved him off with a 'don't worry, I'll get it,' while I listened to Roz's idea for my shower.

"A little higher on your end," I instructed Frasier who was hanging the decorations with Roz for the shower later in the day. "Perfect."

"Niles..." Martin breathlessly called out from the fainting couch as Niles made his way down the stairs. "Where have you been all morning? I thought you were going to help me blow up some of these balloons."

"I'm sorry Dad. I'll be there to give you a hand in a minute. Daphne, where's…" he quickly covered his mouth with his hand and started to sway. I knew it was only a matter of moments before he'd rush out of there. As if on cue, he announced, "I'm sorry, I'll be right back," with that, he rushed to the nearest bathroom.

"What the hell was that all about?" Martin asked and started to blow up another balloon.

"Morning sickness," I matter-of-factly stated and went back to arranging some decorations on the dining room table.

"What!?!" Martin asked, dumbfounded. As did he so, he let go of the balloon he had been inflating, setting it on a zigzagging course around the room until it ran out of air and fell to the floor deflated.

"Frasier says it's all psychosomatic," I bent over to pick up the balloon. "Ow," I yelped and rubbed me aching lower back upon rising.

"Daph? You okay?" Frasier asked.

"Oh, I'm fine. Just a little backache, that's all. I'll be fine."

"I remember the last month or so when I was carrying Alice. Those backaches can be a killer. You might try some aspirin, it really helped me," Roz suggested.

"Mommy?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"I thought you told me that a stork carried me."

We all looked at the cute exchange between mother and daughter and were all curious as to how Roz was going to answer her inquisitive little girl.

"If you will excuse us, Alice and I are going to get Aunt Daphne some aspirin, " Roz then took Alice by the hand and led her into the kitchen.

"But what in the hell did you mean about Niles? And in English," Martin asked Frasier.

"It simply means that it's all in Niles' head."

"Huh?"

"Ever since I became pregnant, all the attention has been on me and the baby. Niles is feeling a little left out."

"So, let me get this straight. Out of jealousy for his wife and his unborn child and in order to get some attention, his mind makes him experience the same symptoms that Daphne has?"

"Yes. Something like that Dad."

Niles returned to the room, still a little green around the gills. He apologized to all.

"I'm sorry everyone for my hasty retreat," he walked over to where I was and gave me my good morning kiss. "How's my favorite girl this morning?"

"Me back is a little sore again," I replied.

"Are you going help me with these balloons or not?" Martin pouted.

Niles looked at his watch, "I'm so sorry Dad, it's much later then I thought and I have to get going for my dentist appointment."

He started to put on his overcoat. "So, Frasier, I'll swing by your place when I'm done."

"Sounds good Niles. I'll see you then."

"Both of you enjoy your afternoon," he rubbed my stomach. He leaned in and gave me another kiss on me cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too. Have a good time with your brother and I'll see you this evening."

"Boy, I still can't believe your brother and all that psycho stuff," Martin shook his head in disbelief. "I'll tell you what, you never heard of guys doing that kind of stuff when Hester was pregnant with either of you two."

I sat down next to my father-in-law.

"If you ask me, I think that may have been the reason behind Niles refusing to go see the dentist for so long, that, and…bloody hell!"

"Daph? What is it? What's wrong?" Roz, who had just come back into the room with Alice, asked while handing me some aspirin and a glass of water.

I looked down ashamed. "Niles has put up with me and all me bloody mood swings, all my irrational demands…"

"Oh come now Daphne…I don't think anything you asked Niles to do could be considered irrational, he loves you."

"There were those couple of times at the opera..." Frasier began.

"Frasier," Roz glared over at him.

"I'm sorry, but I think calling Niles on his cell phone twice in the middle of Aida just because you had a craving for jellied eels with vinegar…well…"

"Frasier," Roz repeated, this time a little more firmly.

"He asked me to do one little thing for him and I bloody forgot…"

"I'm sorry Daph. Whatever it is, I'm sure Niles will understand and forgive you." Frasier remarked, only this time a little more sympathetically.

But what I did was unforgivable.

-------

Pulling out of the hug, Frasier hands me his handkerchief. "Here, take this."

"Thank you," I sniff and dab at me tears.

"Now listen to me. You may have forgotten to pick up Niles' prescription, but ultimately it was his decision not to postpone his appointment. He knew the odds, and he decided to risk it."

I wasn't convinced. "All I cared about was that bloody shower. Who was I to call Niles selfish?"

"Let's not forget Daphne, I was with Niles most of the day…"

-------

"Match point," Frasier teased his little brother.

Niles stopped to wipe the sweat that was now profusely pouring down his face. He was also starting to breathe very hard and had considerable trouble catching his breath.

"Are you going to serve the ball or what?" Frasier continued to mock.

Niles served the ball and Frasier returned it. The ball then took a weird bounce off the wall, sending Niles flying in mid air to try and save it, and the game. He dove and missed, landing full force on his back.

Frasier leaped for joy and ran over to his little brother lying on the floor in agony and defeat.

Looking down at his brother he triumphantly reminded, "you're buying." And then helped his brother to his feet.

"Ow," Niles moaned and rubbed his lower back.

"You alright?" Frasier asked as they made their way back to the locker room and to the showers.

"It's my lower back. I must have landed on it funny. But nothing a hot shower won't fix."

Frasier glanced at his watch impatiently. "Niles? Are you coming?" Frasier was already showered, shampooed, shaved and dressed and ready to go 15 minutes ago.

Niles continued to let the hot water roll down his aching and sore back. He was also trying to get his breathing back under control. Another side effect of his heart condition was breathlessness during exercise, but usually it would subside by now and be returning back to normal.

He heard Frasier and decided he couldn't hide in there forever. He turned off the water and stepped out, groaning as he did so.

"I'm so sorry Frasier," he apologized and went to his locker. "I had no idea it was so late."

As he was getting dressed, he moaned.

"Niles? What is it?"

"It's my back. I must have landed on it harder then I thought," he self diagnosed.

"Care for a second opinion Dr. Crane?"

Knowing full well Frasier would offer his opinion no matter what he said, Niles didn't even bother with a rebuttal.

"I think it's yet another pathetic attention grabber," Frasier accused than diagnosed.

"I'm sorry, but I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

"You perfectly know damn well what I mean. You knew that Daphne had a backache this morning, and, how convenient so do you."

Niles was starting to feel faint and slightly nauseous. He tried to steady himself by gripping onto his open locker door.

Frasier couldn't help but notice and went over to him.

"Niles? Are you feeling okay? You look paler then usual."

"I'm fine," he lied. "Just let me pack up my things and we'll be off to Le Cigare Volant."

"And don't forget, you're buying."

-------

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, but your husband's monitors are showing some signs of distress, so I want to check his vitals," his doctor informs us.

A few, tense minutes pass, and all I can do is nervously pace outside his room while we wait. As my mind starts to drift and I remember just a few hours ago.

-------

"Okay ladies," Roz called the shower goers to attention. "For our next game, I thought it would be fun if we…" Roz started explaining her new game when Niles and Frasier walked in through the front door.

All the heads turned in their direction.

"Go on ahead Roz, keep explaining your game," I march to the door, upset at Niles' resurfacing selfishness, and couldn't help but think this was yet another desperate ploy to get attention.

Upon reaching the door,

"Niles," I glanced at my watch and said under me breath, "move" as I signal for both him and Frasier to go into the other room, out of earshot of me guests.

"I'm so sorry my love, I didn't plan for this to happen," he apologized before we were even fully in the guest room.

"Save it," I spat back, and started in on my lecture, which was going to brief and to the point. "Niles Crane, I love you, but…"

Before I could finish, he darted out of the room and into the guest bathroom. I could hear him getting sick.

"Daph, listen to me," Frasier started offering Niles' defense. "Niles isn't feeling very well. After our squash game we went to dinner, and he complained he had a terrible migraine and wasn't feeling at all. He even got sick before we left the restaurant."

I still wasn't in the forgiving mood. "I thought you said this was all psychosomatic."

I replied, rather coldly.

Before Frasier could answer, Niles had returned and went over to the bed and sat down, not saying a word. He buried his face in his hands and laid down.

I couldn't help but notice how badly he was shivering. I went over and covered his nearly convulsing body with a blanket and sat by him on the edge of the bed.

"Niles?"

He was breathing extremely hard and still had his hands over his face.

I took his hands into my own. As I did, I couldn't help but notice how ice cold they were, and I could have sworn they were almost bluish/purple in color.

"Niles?" I repeated his name. I felt his forehead. I was alarmed by what I felt. "Oh Frasier..." I once again felt ashamed for everything I had been thinking the last several minutes, "he's burning up."

Frasier came over by me.

"Niles?" He called out his brother's name. "Look at me."

Niles was totally despondent. His eyes looked clouded over and he had a faraway look.

His eyes rolled into the back of his head and Niles, my love, fell unconscious.

Frasier slapped his brother's cheeks in attempt to wake him. "Niles, wake up. Niles!" He yelled.

He pressed his fingers into the side of Niles' neck to feel for a pulse. "He has one, but it's extremely weak and rapid," he reported.

Niles' chest continued to rise and fall very quickly. He was having a considerably hard time breathing.

Just then Roz knocked on the door and stuck her head in. "The natives are getting restless,

what do you want to me to do?"

She then noticed the concerned looks on our faces.

"Daphne, call 9-1-1."

-------

"Hey guys, sorry I couldn't get here sooner. Amiee, my babysitter, got a flat on her way to my place. So, how's he doing?"

"He was in full blown septic shock by the time the paramedics got him to the hospital."

"I've heard of that, but what exactly is that again?"

"It's a highly dangerous condition in which there is tissue damage and a dramatic drop in one's blood pressure. Toxins cause a leakage of fluid from the blood vessels, and coupled with a reduction of the ability of the vessels to constrict, it causes a sudden drop of blood pressure."

"Doesn't that cause some kind of damage?"

"Yes, tissue damage to the kidneys, heart and lungs."

"I just don't understand. This happened all so quickly. I mean, just a couple of hours ago there was nothing wrong with Niles, and now…" Roz glances over my way and whispers to Frasier, though I still can hear her, "now he's in the ICU and fighting for his life."

Dr. Newsome pokes his head into the hallway and invites us back in, "you can come back in now."

I walk back over to the chair and take Niles' limp hand into mine. His hand jerks in my grasp. I look down at his violently shivering body, racked with chills.

"How is he?"

"I'm terribly sorry Mrs. Crane it's what we feared might happen. The pylonephritis, which liked we discussed earlier, is a serious kidney infection, that infection, has spread into the internal lining of his heart. When he was rushed in here earlier tonight, he was in septic shock, a life threatening complication of pylonephritis. The next 24 to 48 hours are the most critical. 50 of septic shock patients develop acute bacterial endocarditis. His congenital heart condition, coupled with the fact that he wasn't already on antibiotics when he was brought in here, only increased his odds. On a more positive note, the fact that you got him in here so quickly will increase his chances."

"Which are?" Frasier asks.

"I would say, maybe up to 70-75."

"That's still a one in four chance that he might not make it. Are you sure your figures are correct?" Frasier further questions.

"I'm very sorry. I wish I could do more."

I can feel him looking at me as I stare at the bouncing lines of his heart monitor.

"Do you have any questions for me Mrs. Crane?"

I shake my head.

"His heart beat is becoming extremely unstable and erratic," Dr. Newsome explains as he pulls out and inserts his stethoscope into his ears. He leans over Niles and places, and then periodically slides the instrument over Niles' heart and chest and listens.

"There's fluid building in his lungs and its causing him great distress. I'm going to order that his nurse introduce some morphine into his IV. I'll be back in a half-hour to check in on him. If you detect any change, what so ever, have me paged immediately."

To be continued…


	2. Long Night's Journey Into Day

**__**

Long Night's Journey into Day

"Don't they read those bloody forms we fill out? The ones that ask specifically for any known allergies to any medications?" I rant, and quip sarcastically, "let's just give the patient that is already fighting for his life some drugs that can also kill him."

"Daphne, calm down," Roz instructs me. "It's not doing you, your baby or Niles any good."

"Oh, my God! What is it?" Martin frantically asks as soon as he and Frasier return from the vending machine.

"Dad and I could hear Daphne all the way down the hall," Frasier adds and hands Roz her candy.

While leading all of us to a sitting area near the Intensive Care Unit, Frasier says to me.

"Roz is right, just calm down and tell us what happened."

-------

Only seconds earlier...

I held his hand in my own. Aside from the occasional twitch, it was just so limp, so lifeless, so cold. Which, if you asked Frasier, was "antithetical" to Niles' roaring fever.

His doctor had explained to us that another serious side effect of Niles' extremely low blood pressure was very poor blood circulation to his extremities. Regardless of how cold his hand was, I wanted him to feel my warmth and love on his body. I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it then brought it up to my face and caressed it against my cheek.

"Niles? Love? I know you can hear me..."

"Excuse me Mrs. Crane."

Why do nurses always pick times like these to interrupt? I mentally asked myself.

With my back still to her, "yes?"

The nurse apologized. "I'm sorry, but I need to check your husband's vitals."

"Of course," I stood up to leave but before I did, I kissed his hand again and gently laid it back down on the bed.

I bent over and whispered in his ear.

"I love you."

I got my purse and was about to head out when I noticed the nurse changing Niles' IV.

"What are you doing?"

"Your husband is not responding to the medication like we had hoped. His fever is still over 104 and shows no signs of going down, so we are going to try something stronger and increase the dosage," she explained while she started to administer the new drug into Niles' IV.

An eerie chill ran down my spine and prompted me to inquire,

"You're not giving him penicillin are you?"

-------

Frasier jumps up from his seat, he is as furious as I was, only moments earlier in Niles' room and out in the hallway.

"Penicillin." He echoes, "Why Niles is deathly allergic to..."

-------

"I'll call you if there's any change," Martin promised.

"Alright," I reluctantly agree to let Frasier drive me home. "Just let me say goodbye to Niles first."

I bend over to kiss his very warm and sticky forehead. "I love you Niles Crane." I whisper and stroke his hair one last time for the night. "I'll be here when you wake up," I promise him.

-------

"He's going to be just fine and up and around and dusting down chairs in Nervosa before you know it," Frasier tries to reassure me on the ride to The Montana. "Niles is a fighter."

"I know," I quietly agree, but inwardly pray that Frasier is right.

The rest of the ride is a quiet one, for both Frasier and I are exhausted.

-------

I go over to Niles' dresser drawer and pull out a pair of his silk pajamas. I never wore them until recently, for they are so baggy (on both myself and Niles), but now, they are the only thing I find comfortable to sleep in. Plus, by wearing them tonight, it makes me feel closer to Niles. I pull out his favorite pair, his black ones.

After slipping them on, I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. As I brush my teeth, I look over at his side of the sink. Everything is exactly as he had left it this morning. In other words, everything was neatly organized and put back in its proper place.

I can't help but smile. Typical Niles.

I pull down the bedcovers and slip into bed. I can't bring myself to turn off the light so I leave it on. I run my hand over his side of the bed. It was the first night since we had been married that we didn't share the same bed. I get up and wrap and tie Niles' dressing gown around me and head downstairs. I can't bare the thought of going to sleep in our room without him, so I decide to take refuge for the night in the guestroom. The last room Niles was in.

Once again, I pull down and slip under the covers. Again, I can't bring myself to turn out the lights, so instead run my hand over the pillow that Niles' head rested on last. I gather the pillow into my hands. I take a long sniff. It still carried a faint mixture of aromas. From Niles' after- shave lotion to his kiwi shower gel.

I bring the pillow into my chest and draw it into a hug. As soft and comforting as it is, it is no substitute for my Niles. Still clutching the pillow, a few tears escape from my eyes and fall onto the pillow as I recall what happened in this very room not to long ago.

-------

"Yes," I said in as calm a voice as I could. "My name is Daphne Moon Crane and I need an ambulance. It's my husband. I think he's..." I hand the phone over to Frasier, unsure what to say.

"Yes. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, I need for you to send an ambulance immediately to The Montana, apartment number 403, I think my brother is going into septic shock. Thank you."

Once Frasier got off the phone.

"Frasier, what do you want me to do?" Roz asked.

"Go wait for the paramedics."

"Right," she started out.

"Hey Roz."

"Yeah?" She stuck her head back in the room.

"Call my Dad for me and tell him to meet us at Seattle General Hospital."

"I'm on it," she started to leave again.

"And Roz..." he called for her return once again.

Again, she popped her head in the doorway. "Yes Frasier?"

"Thank you."

The room then fell eerily quiet, for neither Frasier or I spoke. The only sounds were Niles' wheezing and my muffled cries for him to "please wake up."

The paramedics arrived within minutes.

"He's in here..." I heard Roz instruct.

I hadn't even heard the bell.

-------

I sniff and wipe away at my tears. I resign myself to the fact that I can't sleep in here either, even more painful. I get up and head to the one room that I know that I could settle in for the night.

-------

"Aren't you going to have some breakfast Niles?" I called out to him from the dining room table.

He came over and kissed me on the cheek and patted my tummy. "Sorry. No."

"Is it because of that bloody tooth again?"

"No, um, I wouldn't say that. Um, I'm not very hungry." He stammered.

"Promise me you'll call this morning and make an appointment?"

"Of course, first thing," he started to put on his coat. "Are we still meeting at Nervosa later for lunch?" he double-checked.

I start to clear away my breakfast dishes from the table. "Yes," I reaffirm. "Unless of course you get an appointment with your dentist," I hinted.

He came over to give me another kiss. "I love you my love. I'll see you both later." He kissed me and headed to the front door.

"Niles?" I called after him again.

He looked back over his shoulder. "Yes, my love?"

"When are you going to finish the nursery?" I questioned with my impatience coming through.

"Tomorrow night after your baby shower," he promised.

-------

He had fought me tooth and nail when I had suggested we do the nursery ourselves instead of hiring someone to do it for us. But late one night, I recalled hearing something coming from the room we had designated for the nursery. It was Niles. Though he never saw me, I saw him in there, measuring, taking notes, and visualizing what the nursery should look like. Since that night and no matter how long his day was, or how tired he may be, he spent several hours working in the nursery.

I walk into the unfinished nursery and I am pleasantly surprised. Niles had much more done then he let on.

The silly sod.

Once fully in the room, I can't fight the urge to tap the musical note wind chime that is suspended from the ceiling.

As the sound of lazily banging chimes fill the room, I walk around the room and recall how much trouble Niles and I had on deciding on a theme. We had both agreed that we didn't want to have, or do, the standard thing that everyone else seemed to do or did.

Finally, and after much deliberation and discussion, it was Niles who came up with the enchanting idea of doing something musical.

He painted the nursery ivory white. He set out and found a piano keys border for the room. Substituting for wallpaper, he cut out from construction paper, hundreds of musical notes of every color, size and shape and attached them to the wall. He also made copies of sheet music and had them too, attached to the wall.

On the dressing table was a collage that I had created and had wanted Niles to hang. I turn it over to look at it. The collage contained three items, including, the sheet music for Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, the program from Niles' first piano recital (in which he played Moonlight Sonata) and a picture of him playing at the recital itself. He could have been no more then five at the time. All the items were encased in glass and were in a black, wood frame.

On a small shelf on the wall besides the crib were three small pictures, with room left for two more. Moving from left to right across the shelf, I remove each picture to study it more closely and then put it back.

The first is my own baby picture, taken when I was only a few hours old. I take down the next one, which is slightly larger, it's a picture of Niles and me after we had eloped to Reno to get married. A tear is conceived and slides down my cheek and ends its short life in a splatter on top, of all places, Niles' face. I go to wipe the tear from the glass and accidentally smear it, clouding over his face.

"Bloody hell!" I spat and leave the room to clean the picture with some glass cleaner.

As I spray some on and gently wipe, Niles' face becomes clearer and clearer once again.

I place the picture back and take down the next one in line, and smile. It is one of Niles. Like my own, it is the first one ever taken, but unlike mine, his was taken when he was nearly six months old.

I go and sit in the rocking chair. As I am rocking, I still have Niles' picture in my hand.

He had been born prematurely and, like most preemies, fought and struggled to survive. Perhaps it started then, his constant struggle to gain any weight. It was also during those first six months of his life, all spent in the pediatric intensive care unit, that the doctors discovered his congenital heart murmur, that would plague him the rest of his life. Because of his life threatening condition, not to mention the fact he had so many tubes and monitors and the like sticking into and out of him, that they waited before taking a picture of him.

The picture I held in my hands tonight was not all that different than the way he looked when I last saw him tonight.

Aside from the obvious, that he was now a man, they both had tubes up their noses and had a heart monitor attached to their chests. Both were extremely pale and skinny enough to count all their ribs.

I found that the rocking was lulling me to sleep. I was determined to fight it. I had to stay awake in case Martin called. I forced myself up and placed his picture back on the shelf next to the empty frames that would soon contain our child's picture and their picture with both mummy AND daddy.

I then notice atop the dresser a nearly wrapped present. It is a rather large and cumbersome box. I tear open the gift-wrap and taped to the box lid is a card. I open the card and read aloud.

"To My Little One, may you pluck out your first feeble Fur Elise on this, just like I did. I love you now and always. Love, Daddy."

I remove the box lid to reveal Niles' present.

Nestled carefully amongst packing material to protect it, is Niles' very first piano. I can't help but chuckle upon seeing it. For it would be best described as not unlike the one that the Peanuts character Schroder had used to belt out his own favorite classical masterpieces.

I remove the piano from both its protective material and box and carry it back over to the rocking chair and sit down again. I strike a few of its badly out of tune keys and can only cringe. All these toy pianos sounded the same and wondered how long Niles put up with that before he insisted on playing the much 'grander' one.

To Be Continued...


	3. In the Midst of all the Recklessness

**__**

In The Midst of All the Recklessness

"Excuse me," I softly ask, "Could you please point me in the direction of the hospital chapel?"

"Around the corner and straight down the hall on the right."

-------

I take a deep breath and then enter. I am relieved. The place is empty. The small room is bathed in a warm, soft and comforting candlelight. I go and select one of the unlit candles and light it. Being seven months pregnant I opt not to kneel. I think it's okay and that "He" would understand, and go and sit in the front row of pews.

I cast my eyes upward and then close them.

I speak from my heart.

I speak for my one true love.

I speak for my Niles.

"Dear God. It's Daphne. I know that I haven't come to you in a very long time, and I'm sorry for that. But I haven't come to you today for myself, but for my Niles. He is struggling and losing his battle. I know Niles, he won't give up and of course I won't let him. I know you have your will, but please, I beg of you, please don't take him from me, from us, now.

I know that for the past few months, Niles has often felt overshadowed and that he has been regulated to the back burner. In the midst of all the recklessness that has accompanied my pregnancy: my cravings, my irrational demands, my baby shower, and everything else, Niles has taken every one of them in stride and has catered to each and every one of them.

Without complaint, he has allowed us to shine while he sat back in the shadows and took care of us. How do I repay him? I accuse him as the one who is being selfish. I was the one too wrapped up in me to pay any attention to him, not the other way around.

It was my own selfishness and vainglory that led to Niles not getting his medication. I know Frasier said it was Niles' choice on whether or not he risked it. While that may be true, but ultimately, Niles never should have been placed in that position in the first place. And he was only placed in that position because of me, and only me.

I was the one who couldn't be bothered.

I was the one who had 'more important things' on her mind.

I was the one couldn't do the one favor my husband asked of me to do for him.

So please, please, don't punish Niles and our unborn child for something I did."

To be continued...


	4. Kickin' It

**__**

Kickin' It

"I know this is a very stressful time for you, but it's imperative for you both, that you take care of yourself, and put yourself and your needs first right now."

I didn't say anything for my own guilt was doing the talking.

It was by putting my own needs before his that landed him in this very hospital only a few floors down from where I am sitting right now. I had secretly vowed to do everything possible to make sure he knows how much he means to me….how much I love him…how much…

"Daphne?" He unknowingly interrupted my inner voice.

"Yes Dr. Stewart?"

"It's important," he reinforced, almost as if he could read my mind.

"You don't understand Dr. Stewart, now, more than ever, Niles needs me to put him first." I plea and try and make him understand.

"How is Niles?"

"My Father-in-law is with him now. I called the nurses' station before I came in here and they said he was still unresponsive. His doctor is most concerned about his fever, the antibiotics aren't working like they had hoped and both the fever and the infection are putting a tremendous amount of strain on his already much weakened heart."

"I'm sorry Daphne. If I recall, didn't Niles say in one of your previous appointments that he had a congenital heart condition?"

"Yes. He had asked you what the odds were of his, our, child having one as well."

"Like I told you earlier during your ultrasound, your child's heart is strong and healthy. Let's just make sure it stays that way."

Bethany then came in the room and over to me with a small envelope in her hand.

"Is that it?"

"That's it," she smiles and before leaving the examining room. "Oh and Daphne. We're all praying for Niles and that he gets well real soon."

"Thank you Bethany."

With one of my longer fingernails, I carefully slit open the envelope and pull out the picture.

Instantly, tears roll down my cheeks while at the same time a smile forms on my face.

"If there is anything, I mean anything, my staff or I can do for you, please let us know."

"You already have," I sniff and press the picture into chest, close to my heart.

-------

After a quick stop at the gift shop, I return to Niles' room.

Before stepping in, I hear Martin talking and stop, as not intrude on this father and son moment.

"Niles Crane, I need you to listen, and I need you to listen to me good."

Martin took in a deep breath, and let it and all his feelings out.

"Ever since you came into this world ahead of schedule, you have always been a fighter. When you arrived, you were not much bigger than my hand and you were blue from head to toe and not breathing. But you were determined to be a part of this brand new world your Mother and I brought you into, so you fought. During those first few months, it was touch and go with you almost every day, but you fought. You fought harder during those first few months then most people do their entire lives.

As you got older and to this very day, your battles never ceased. Whether it was allergic reactions, the chicken pox, mono, you name it, you got it. And now, here you are, once again fighting for your life. Like all the other numerous illnesses that have plagued you throughout your life, you will kick this in the butt and defeat this one like you have each and every one of the others.

You know son, when you were born the doctors told your Mother and me that because of being born so early and because of your very low birth weight coupled with your congenital heart condition you probably wouldn't survive. But you had determination and drive, and proved them all wrong. I want you to prove those damn doctors wrong again!"

By now Martin was in tears and so was I.

"Niles, son, I love you. I know you can beat this. Just keep on fighting like you always have. If giving up ever crosses your mind, or you can't do it for yourself, then do it for Daphne and your child."

I come up from behind Martin and put my arm around his neck and give him a soft kiss on his wet, tear stained cheek.

"Martin that was lovely," I compliment as I lay Niles' gift on the nightstand besides Martin.

"Well one thing is for damn sure."

"What's that?"

"That was his first pep talk."

We both share a laugh at Niles' expense. He gets up and offers me the chair and I sit down and take Niles' hand into my own and start stroking his hair.

"Before I forget, I talked to Frase and he and Roz will be here shortly. So, how did your appointment go?" He asks, standing behind me.

"The baby is doing well. Developing right on schedule. Heartbeat is strong and healthy."

"That's good to hear. Say, What's this?" Martin inquires as he holds up Niles' gift.

"It's a gift for Niles."

While shaking it. "What is it?"

Before I could answer, Niles' hand violently jerks out of my own while the rest of his body nearly does the same out of bed. His head and neck repeatedly start thrashing, as does his whole body, for it is caught in the grip of a brutal seizure.

"Martin! Get one of the nurses! Hurry!"

"Niles. Love." I cry out.

I look up at his heart monitor, which is screaming and flashing like crazy.

Two ICU nurses rush into the room and to the side of his bed.

"I need you both out of here. Now!" one of them barks at us.

I try and move but can't. I am fixated on my husband's convulsing body.

Martin comes over to get me.

"Come on Daph, let's go wait in the hall."

For one, brief and intense moment, his eyes pop open, locking onto my own.

Penetrating my very soul, piercing my heart, were his beautiful blues that I can always find love and strength in, only now they held a ghastly, faraway and helpless glaze.

I detect a small tear roll down his cheek as his eyelids flutter and eventually, his eyes roll into the back of his head and close again while his head violently snaps back as does the rest of his body.

Long seconds turn into long minutes, until finally, he and his exhausted body fall limp and lifeless but not before one final and terrifying snap.

"Code blue: room 403. Code blue: room 403," the announcement is put out.

One of his nurses rips out his breathing tubes and throws his pillows to the floor and tilts his head back and pops open his mouth.

"Starting intubation," one calls out to the other and starts performing the intricate procedure.

"What in the hell is she doing to him?"

I think back to my late nights of watching George Clooney and ER reruns on channel 18.

"She is inserting an endotracheal tube."

"Huh?"

"She is trying to clear Niles' airway so she can insert a tube down his windpipe which will help him breathe again. She'll then attach the tube to a ventilator," I explain, relatively and surprisingly calm.

While sharing my explanation to Martin, the other nurse rips open his hospital gown and shouts, "Commencing CPR."

Martin and I hold onto each other for comfort as we look on in absolute horror. We are almost run over by the crash cart that is wheeled into his room in attempt to resuscitate him.

"Charging…clear!" his doctor screams and the nurse that is administering the oxygen, stops squeezing and disconnects the mechanical device that is attached to his trach and stands back.

My only moments earlier and brief calm is now replaced by a raging vortex of fear as I helplessly watch my husband and his whole body violently jerk again. This time it's because of the paddles that are being firmly pressed onto his chest and that are delivering high voltages of electric shock to his heart in an attempt to restart it.

After every failed attempt, they check his heart monitor, which shows nothing more than a flat line.

Long and terrifying minutes pass.

"I think we have a pulse. It's very weak, but he has one." The nurse finally reports with her fingers pressed to the side of his neck.

"Come on Niles, pick up the beat," his doctor instructs and checks his heart monitor.

Instead of the deafening, monotone shriek from the past couple of minutes, a barely audible, and still very erratic, chirp can he heard from his monitor.

His doctor places his stethoscope onto Niles' chest and listens.

"We got him," his doctor declares.

Both in tears, Martin and I hug each other tighter, relieved.

His doctor starts jotting down some notes on Niles' chart.

"What caused his seizure? Do you think he'll have any more?" I question.

"The same thing that's put him in this coma. It's his extremely high fever. He just isn't responding to any of the drugs that we've given him so far. I am going to have one of the nurses insert yet another and a much stronger, type of antipyretic drug, which if you remember, is a temperature-reducing drug, into his IV. Hopefully, he will respond to it, and thus, start lowering it. I am also ordering him a sponge bath. As to your second question…"

"Doctor Newsome, I'm sorry I don't mean to interrupt you, and I know this highly unconventional, but could I give him his sponge bath? I am a physical therapist and no stranger on how to do this. And he is, my husband."

I make my way over to Niles.

"I think that can be arranged. In fact, it might do your husband a world of good to feel his wife's touch. But, I want to stress, he is not out of the woods yet, not until we can bring that fever down. In my opinion, I think there is a very good chance he'll have a few more."

"Will they be that violent?"

"I can't say Mr. Crane. I'm very sorry, I wish I could do more for him."

"I know you're doing everything in your power to help my son."

"I'll have one of the nurses bring in everything you need to give him his bath within the hour. I want to give his body a chance to recover. If you have any questions please have me paged immediately."

The room is now empty except for Martin and myself.

The quiet is interrupted by the awful hiss of his respirator, almost drowning out the sound of his heart monitor, which is still audible to my worried ears.

I bend over and give him a kiss on his forehead since I can't on the lips because of the respirator and the tube that are taped securely to the right side of his mouth.

He looked so pale and weak and vulnerable.

But I know he can hear us, so, I share with him,

"I love you Niles and I'm so very proud of you," I whisper into his ear.

"You're right Martin," I comment as I wipe away at another tear that is rolling down Niles' cheek.

"About what?"

"Niles is a fighter, that is why he came back to us."

-------

"Are you sure you don't want to join us?" he double checks.

"I'm sure. Besides, I'll be giving him his sponge bath soon. You three go on."

"Alright then," he gives me kiss on top of my head.

He walks over to Niles.

"I'll be back soon, you hang in there," Frasier orders and tousles his little brother's hair.

Frasier leaves with Roz, who is out in the hall talking to Martin about what happened earlier.

Frasier had stopped in real quick to see Niles before having a late lunch with Martin down in the cafeteria.

Though I insisted I wasn't "very hungry", he insisted on bringing something back for me, so I could "keep my strength up."

As I complete his sponge bath and run my hands over his body, I silently pray that it, along with the new drug, will bring his fever down and that if he is stricken with another seizure, it won't be life threatening like his previous one.

I get up and set the washcloth down and go over to retrieve his present that is still on his nightstand where I had left it.

"I got you something, my love." I start unwrapping.

"I'm sure you've forgotten all about my appointment with Dr. Stewart this afternoon."

"Niles…" I hold up the gift, which is a picture in a frame.

"It's our, your child."

I lay the picture up against him. "I know it's hard to tell from the ultrasound, but Dr. Stewart was able to determine the sex…"

"Ow," I interrupt myself has I feel a sharp pain in my mid-section and start to worry.

"Ow," I repeat. There it is again, and I grow more concerned and start to panic.

I rub the pain and decide it might be better for me to sit down.

Once again I feel it, but this time, I can only smile.

I take Niles' limp hand and place it atop my belly, with my own on top of his.

A few seconds pass, nothing happens.

"Oh, come on…just one more time." I plea.

"Now, don't make me beg," I start.

And then…

"Did you feel that Niles? That was your child. Quite a powerful little kicker we got in there. No doubt in my mind that they are going to be a kick boxer, just like their Daddy."

To be continued…


	5. In His Daughter's Eyes

**__**

In His Daughter's Eyes

In His Daughter's Eyes

In his daughter's eyes he is her hero  
In his daughter's eyes he shows no weakness  
In his daughter's eyes he holds her hand in his  
In his daughter's eyes he makes her feel safe  
In his daughter's eyes he is the only man for her

In his daughter's eyes he fights for her  
In his daughter's eyes he is hers alone  
In his daughter's eyes he is her daddy

In his daughter's eyes he is her hero  
In his daughter's eyes he is her teacher  
In his daughter's eyes he shows her right from wrong  
In his daughter's eyes he shows her everything that she can be  
In his daughter's eyes he protects her

In his daughter's eyes he fights for her  
In his daughter's eyes he is hers alone  
In his daughter's eyes he is her daddy

In his daughter's eyes he is her hero  
In his daughter's eyes he is unfair  
In his daughter's eyes he is stubborn  
In his daughter's eyes he just doesn't understand  
In his daughter's eyes he doesn't love her anymore

In his daughter's eyes he fights for her  
In his daughter's eyes he is hers alone  
In his daughter's eyes he is her daddy

In his daughter's eyes he is her hero  
In his daughter's eyes he blurry until he wipes away her tears  
In his daughter's eyes he mends her broken heart  
In his daughter's eyes he really does love her  
In his daughter's eyes he will always be there

In his daughter's eyes he fights for her  
In his daughter's eyes he is hers alone  
In his daughter's eyes he is her daddy

In his daughter's eyes he is her hero  
In his daughter's eyes he breaks his heart for hers  
In his daughter's eyes he walks her down the aisle  
In his daughter's eyes he gives her away  
In his daughter's eyes she will always be his little girl

In his daughter's eyes he fights for her  
In his daughter's eyes he is hers alone  
In his daughter's eyes he is her daddy

In his daughter's eyes he is her hero  
In his daughter's eyes he is sagacious  
In his daughter's eyes he is still a fighter  
In his daughter's eyes he is her old man  
In his daughter's eyes he is now a grandfather

In his daughter's eyes he fights for her  
In his daughter's eyes he is hers alone  
In his daughter's eyes he is her daddy

In his daughter's eyes he is her hero  
In his daughter's eyes he shows no weakness  
In his daughter's eyes she holds his hand in hers  
In his daughter's eyes she makes him feel safe  
In his daughter's eyes he is the only man for her

In his daughter's eyes he fights for her  
In his daughter's eyes he is hers alone  
In his daughter's eyes he is her daddy


	6. Safe in the Arms of Love

**__**

Safe in the Arms of Love

"Love, Daddy," I conclude and sniff, failing miserably in my attempt to stop the tears that threaten to fall down me cheeks.

Gingerly, and with a great amount of love and care (almost as much as Niles did when he wrote the letter to our daughter) I place the letter in a glass encased frame for protection and hang it on the wall by her bed.

I lean over and scoop our daughter up and cradle her in my arms and in my love.

"Does someone need their diaper changed?" I ask her as I carry her over to the dressing table.

As I change her, she looks up at me with her daddy's crooked smile.

I tickle her tummy and she giggles playfully.

When she giggles, her blue eyes that she also shares with her daddy, get the same glint and sparkle in them as her daddy's do right before he is about to say something witty or clever.

How I long to see that glint and sparkle in his eyes again.

I carry her over to the rocking chair and I sit and start to rock her to sleep.

She wails and I get up and pace around the room in an attempt to calm her down and get her to sleep.

30 minutes later I have yet to triumph and head out the nursery door to the study.

Upon reaching the study, I place her in her playpen and spread out the blanket I had brought with us.

I go back over and get her and carry her over. Carefully, I lay her down on the blanket and lay down right beside her.

She wails again, but this time it's a reminder cry.

"I know. I know. I was just getting to it," I tell her as I reach over to the CD player and press the start button.

Within moments, her daddy's piano music, which he recorded especially for her, fills the room.

I look around us and smile. I can feel her daddy's love within the protective environment that surrounds us.

The music echoes and resonates where we lay, almost sounding as if he were playing right above us.

"Almost," I whisper and lament, "Oh Niles, how I wish you were."

Longing to do the same with Niles, I hold her safely in my arms never wanting to let her go. Before long she is lulled to sleep. Once again like her daddy, it is truly the one and only place she finds solace in.

Under the piano.

-------

I rush and burst into his room just has his seizure had concluded.

Without hesitation, I dash to his side, gathering him and his limp and exhausted body into my arms.

I can't help but notice the flashing lights and the erratic sounds of all his life supporting systems, indicating and recording his distress and their (along with his doctor and nurses) attempts to stabilize him again.

"Shh…its all right My Love." I rock him for comfort and reassure him in soft tones. "I'm here now and you're safe in my arms, in my love. No one will hurt you ever again."

As I wipe away some of his tears, I turn to his doctor and nurses and demand. "I got here as fast as I could. What in the hell happened?"

To be continued…


	7. When The Twilight is Fading

**__**

When the Twilight is Fading

From Niles' hospital window I watch as yet another day comes to a close and all I can do is reflect.

Another day, and Niles, My Love, much like twilight now before me, is fading.

With each passing hour, his strength, what's left of it, wanes. While always devoid of much color, he has gone from a (as he always jokes with Roz) "he's always this pale", to an almost ghastly and ghostly pale.

I turn (out of habit more than anything else) to take a quick glance at all his life support monitors before redirecting my attention to the sunset.

I can't help but wish I were more like Frasier, who has learned how to drone out the awful sounds his brother's monitors make. I have often wondered if maybe it's due to the years of schooling and/or psychiatric practice that enables him to do so.

I asked Martin a couple of times if he still hears them and all I get for a reply is a shrug. Which is what I have come to expect from the old man, since he, like his youngest son, has considerable trouble expressing his feelings. Both also tend to dismiss serious things such as this with an air of nonchalance in order to cope.

As for me, I still get an eerie chill each and every time I walk into his room and hear all his monitors screaming and flashing. I guess my fear is letting go. That if I get accustomed, if you will, to his monitors and to their sounds, it also means that I have accepted his fate, which I don't. I've overheard his nurses whispers amongst themselves, his monitors, they feel, are just recording his vitals as he slowly slides towards death.

The twilight has now disappeared, so I now redirect my attention to Niles.

I sit down on his bed and pick up the washcloth.

"Niles, my love." I sigh deeply and lovingly begin to stroke his still direly warm and sticky cheek that is slightly swollen due to his respirator tube taped to it.

"I know you can hear me," I encourage. "Your girls miss you and we both want you home where you belong."

"Niles…" I sniff to fight off the encroaching tears.

I feel two reassuring hands on my trembling shoulders and turn.

"Oh Frasier, " I wail as Frasier pulls me into a much needed and supportive hug.

The sniff was not strong enough and the dam breaks, and I sob, emptying myself out completely.

To be continued…


	8. Will and Testament

**__**

Will and Testament

"Thank you Frasier. I needed that," I sniff and wipe at me tears.

Frasier reaches into his suit jacket and pulls out a handkerchief, as he does so, something else falls out and falls to the floor, undetected by him.

"Here." He offers me the handkerchief.

"Thank you." I take the hankie. "What is that?"

"What is what?"

"The paper that fell to the floor from your pocket."

"Oh, that! It's nothing."

I bend over to retrieve it for Frasier.

"I said it's…" Frasier tries to stop me.

I stand back up and go and sit by Niles' side on his bed and unfold the packet of papers that are folded in thirds.

"The last Will and Testament of Niles Crane," I read aloud, stunned. "Why on earth do you have this?"

Frasier can't look me in the eye and goes to look out the window.

"Dad and I met with Dr. Newsome late this afternoon about Niles and how his condition is not improving, if anything, is worsening…"

He turns to face me, us.

"Listen to me Daph…I know this isn't easy, but you have to realize…" Frasier tries to rationalize. "He's more machine now than…"

"I'll pretend that you didn't say that and that I didn't hear that!" I viciously spat and cut him off.

"This is your little brother we're talking about. He's my husband. The man I love and vowed to stand by in sickness and in health. I know my husband and his love for me, and for his daughter he has never seen or held in his arms. He has a very strong and determined will, and he will come back to us, as a testament of the love, the bond, we share."

"Daphne, in those papers is Niles' living will. He clearly states he doesn't want to live like this…"

"No…" I mumble softly and shake my head in disbelief that My Love would ever say such a thing.

"He has requested that we pull the plug…"

To be continued…


	9. Wishing on Snowflakes

**__**

Wishing On Snowflakes

I bend over and gather some of the freshly fallen, first snow of the winter into my hands and shape and pack it into a tight little ball and playfully lob it at Niles, striking him in the back his head. I quickly run behind a tree for protection and from his forthcoming retaliation.

Seconds pass.

Then longer seconds that turn into minutes pass.

I dare a peak around the tree, fully expecting a face full of snow, but to my surprise, I see My Love slumped in the snow with his head down and cradled in his hands.

I leave my protective environment and carefully approach him, as not to startle him.

When I get closer, I can hear his soft, muffled, and barely audible sobs.

I kneel down in front of him. "Niles? What is it My Love?"

He lifts his head and his wet cheeks glisten in the moonbeams.

"I'm sorry," he sniffs and wipes his running nose with the back of hand. "The snowball just brought it all back," he informs me, his voice quivering.

I cradle his face in my hands and wipe away at his tears with my thumbs.

"Brought back what My Love?"

He shudders. I don't know if it's a reaction to the cold, or the memory.

After first taking in several deep and equally long releasing of those breaths, (more then likely, a preventive measure against an anxiety attack, I surmise) he begins.

"When I was a young boy Danny "the weasel" Kriezel would often pelt me with snowballs. Because of my heart condition, I couldn't run very fast before I got winded, so, he would always catch up with me and pummel me good. He would just hit me to show off to the others boys or to impress the girls. Once he got me locked into a trembling, tight little ball and cowering and begging for mercy, he would either demand my completed homework assignment or just laugh and tell me, "Got ya again Piles".

"Piles?" I echo and question. "As in what dogs make?"

Niles sadly nodded as a fresh batch of tears slid down his cheeks and were absorbed by my mittens.

"I remember one afternoon, he threw one at me and, to this day I don't know if he knew this or not, but, there was huge chunk of ice in it and it hit me right above the eye and cut me. I remember it bleeding and blood sliding down the side of my face. When I put my hand up to stop it and then saw the blood I passed out, hitting my head and getting a concussion. Luckily, Frasier came along so I didn't freeze to death out there."

By the time he is done sharing his memory with me, it has started snowing again. Flakes start to lazily fall and swirl around us, surrounding and trapping us as if we were in a snow globe.

"Close your eyes and stick out your tongue."

"What on heaven for?" I ask.

He looks at me lovingly and with that glint, that sparkle, in his eyes, that are now also hypnotic.

"Haven't you've ever wished on snowflakes before?"

"I can't say that I have." I close my eyes and stick out my tongue.

"Now, catch the snowflakes with your tongue and make your wish as you do so."

I catch and I wish. Afterwards, I open my eyes to find his loving ones looking at me.

"Have you made your wish already?"

"I no longer need to make wishes." He gathers my hands into his. " Cause I have you. And I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I love you Daphne Moon, will you marry me?"

I wrap Niles' overcoat tighter around me as the wind blows through both the terrace and me. I look down at my engagement ring that catches and reflects off the new winter moon.

I wipe at my tears with one his hankies.

A few, stray flakes, the first snowfall of the season, start to fall.

I close my eyes and stick out my tongue.

And I make my wish.

To be continued…


	10. The First Noelle

**__**

The First Noelle

Five.

The phone rings and I fall into what has now become my routine. I start to mentally count down the rings until the answering machine will click on.

With Niles' condition as dire as it is, and with a newborn sleeping 18 or more hours a day, I have been asked repeatedly by concerned and supportive friends (like Roz), and loving family members (like Frasier, Martin, Mum and even Simon)…

Four.

…who, believe it or not, has called me a few times since Niles has been admitted to the hospital to see how we're both holding up and doing. They have all asked me why I let the machine pick up in case it's one of Niles' doctors calling.

Three.

I know what they are all thinking. That I am just screening the calls so I don't have to deal with anyone I don't feel up to talking to, which, I wholeheartedly admit. But that is not the only reason.

Two.

Or the real reason.

One.

__

Nobody's home. Nobody's home. Nobody's home, nobody's home,

Nobody's home. Nobody's home, Nobody's home, nobody's home.

We'll call you back if you leave your number after you hear the...

I just dearly miss the sound of his voice.

The recording beep sounds.

"Hey Daph, its Martin. Frasier and I are really worried about you and you know Frasier, he thinks we should talk. And for once, I tend to agree with him. This should be a family decision, and as much as we all love Niles, you and Noelle have the most to lose. Please call us back when you get this message and we'll come over to The Montana and I'll help you put up your tree and Frasier will put up Niles' snow village. And Daph, remember Frasier and I love and care about you and Noelle very much. We'll talk to you soon."

Martin lays a reassuring hand on my own.

"I know this isn't easy for you, Daph. It's not easy for any of us. Luckily, even when Hester was at her worse and near the end, I was never placed in this situation where I had to decide whether or not to…"

"Cause," Frasier butts in. "Mom didn't have a living will telling him what her wishes were, unlike Niles who has categorically expressed to us what his wishes are."

"But, didn't he have Donny draw that up right after he finalized his divorce from Maris?" Martin questions Frasier.

"You're missing the point Dad. It's not a matter of when. It's a matter of honoring a man's, your son's, wishes, and letting him die with the dignity and in the manner in which he has chosen. After all, who are we to play God and go against his wishes?"

"Daphne? What are your feelings on this?"

"I'm sorry, I know that these are Niles' wishes, but I can't, we can't, give up on him. Not just yet. I can't give up on Niles and the strength and power of the love we share."

More softly, I explain from my heart.

"Additionally, I could never forgive myself. Knowing I was responsible for not giving him the chance to come back to us, for not believing in his love for us and for never giving Niles nor Noelle the opportunity to get to know one another. And years from now, how do I sit Noelle down and tell her that I was the one who signed the papers to have them pull the plug on her daddy?"

After checking in on Noelle, I make my way down the first flight of stairs and upon reaching the landing of the stairs I look down on the scene below before joining in.

I smile and softly stifle a giggle.

Like father, like son, Martin is struggling with the lights for the tree. Frasier has, yet once more, rearranged the snow village and is drawing out his sixth possible layout. Over by the fireplace and stringing popcorn for the tree, are Roz and Alice.

The mood, well somewhat festive since it is the holidays and Noelle's first, is also more downcast because of Niles' absence.

I wipe away at the stray tear that has made its way down me cheek and declare to all, in the bravest voice I can muster.

"I know what I'm giving Niles for Christmas…"

To be continued…


	11. Parting Gifts

**__**

Parting Gifts

"Now remember boys, Santa won't come tonight if you shook any of your presents," Martin warned his boys over their Christmas Eve breakfast.

"I saw that Frasier," Hester scolded her oldest son who was "caught" stealing some of his little brother's food off his plate. The slightly chubby child, never "seemed to get enough to eat at mealtimes." Unlike his baby brother who despite their parents' attempts and encouragement's to get Niles to eat more, was mere skin and bones.

Frasier set Niles' toast back down, but not without protest. "He isn't going to eat it anyway."

"Okay Frasier, " Hester relented, " you can have it." Then to Niles. "Niles, will you at least drink some of your milk for Mommy?"

Niles shook his head.

"Just a couple swallows?"

The boy gathered the glass into his hands and drank down two sips, and no more.

Upon putting the glass down,

"Niles? What is that on your hands?" Hester gathered her five-year-olds' little hands in to hers.

"Niles Crane…were you shaking your presents under the tree again?"

"No," he sniffed.

"Are you sure? This looks like your pine rash."

The boy hung his head down and confessed to his "crime."

"Which one did you shake?"

The boy went to the tree and gathered a long, slender one in his hands. And handed it to his parents.

"This was the telescope you wanted more than anything. Do you know why Mommy is telling you what it is?"

The boy wiped his tears and then his bloody nose with his hankie and shook his head.

"Because it's going back to the store, since you disobeyed us..."

He watched the snowflakes fall from the midnight time sky.

If only the snow had fallen just a mere few hours earlier, he would have rushed outside her hospital room and caught one so he could have made a wish and perhaps, given her, and the whole family, an early Christmas present.

Sadly, the snow came too late.

And so, the Crane men would now have to celebrate Christmas, which was only a day away, without her.

He shuddered and looked down to see that his hair was standing on end and he had goose bumps. He thought it was from the draft coming in from the window, but when the goose bumps started to itch, he knew it was his pine allergy flaring up and that he was standing too close to the tree.

He stepped back a few steps from the tree and accidentally tripped over a long, narrow box that was protruding out from underneath the tree. Niles bent down to retrieve the gift so he could put it back under the tree.

He was surprised to see it wrapped in what his Mother used to call "kiddie paper." In other words, it was wrapped in the wrapping paper she used to use to wrap her boys' (his and Frasier's) gifts in when they were little. Not only was this wrapped in kiddie paper, but also yellowed, (since Santa's white beard had become yellowed), faded kiddie paper.

Niles was about to set the gift back under the tree when the to and from tag caught his attention.

To: Mommy's Little Guy

From: Love, Mommy

He choked back the tears that now threatened to drown him.

The gift was for him.

The gift was from his Mother.

He sat down by the fire to warm up and held the gift in his lap atop his now trembling knees.

Just as he had done since he was a little boy, Niles methodically and meticulously unwrapped his gift.

The choked back tears from minutes earlier now unleashed and fell down his cheeks unabated.

It was his telescope.

I lovingly run my hand over Niles' beloved telescope that he has set up in our bedroom.

"I still remember Niles sharing that story with me. It was last Christmas Eve, our first Christmas together as a married couple," I tell her and continue to run my hand over the telescope.

"Look Daphne, I know you're exhausted. I'm here if Noelle needs anything so why don't you get some sleep."

"What if Frasier calls…" I stifle the yawn that interrupts me.

"Into bed. Now." Roz orders.

I sigh heavily. She's right. I do need some sleep.

I finally relent.

"All right, but not in here. I can't sleep in our bed without Niles by my side," I explain to Roz as we and make our way downstairs.

"I think there's one more birthday gift you still haven't opened yet My Love." I hand him a small, rounded, not unlike a huge lollipop, shaped gift.

"A baby rattle? Why on earth would you buy me…" he stops and looks up at me.

"Daphne? Are you? Are we?"

"Yes, My Love. I just found out this morning."

He picks me up and twirls me around. Upon placing me back on me own two feet again, he drops to his knees, hugs my midsection, and lays his head on me belly.

"Hello in there. This is your Daddy. Oh Daphne. No one has ever given me a better gift. I love you so much."

I stroke his hair. And kiss the top of his head. "Happy birthday, My Love."

The reality has now fully hit Niles, and his nervous babbling has kicked into overdrive.

I smile and chuckle and just let Daddy prattle on and on and on…

"Wait! I just figured something out. Our baby will be due in December. What better Christmas present than our very first as a family? Oh! If we have a baby girl, that reminds me, unlike Frasier and Lilith who had to know, I don't want to find out our baby's gender, I would like to be surprised. Not unless you want to know…what was I saying? Oh! If it is a baby girl, I think we should call her Noelle, get it? The first Noelle…"

"Daphne."

I jump at the call of my name.

"I'm sorry Daphne. I didn't mean to wake you," Roz apologizes. "But that was Frasier on the phone."

"I never even heard the phone. What did he want?"

"He told me to tell you that its time for you to give Niles your gift."

I sniff and wipe my tears with his hankie.

She comes and sits by me on the fainting couch and puts a supportive arm around my shoulder.

"I just realized something Roz."

"What's that?"

"Noelle wasn't only a gift of love, or a gift from me to Niles, but it was also his last gift to me."

"Are you sure this is what you want to give Niles?" she asks.

I nod.

"This is what Niles wants, and I want to be the one to give it to him."

To be continued…


	12. Take My Breath Away

**__**

Take My Breath Away

"We have brains, we can find cures for these things and make life fair," I lash out at, wail, and plea all at once at my not expecting and totally taken aback "victim."

For the next "good intentioned" person who tries to "console" and "comfort" me with the words "well life isn't fair" will be slapped upside their head and be given a swift kick on their bun.

I take that back.

Not for me words (or promised action to be taken) but for labeling the person, in this case Frasier, who was at the receiving end of my lashing, as a victim.

The real victim here is Noelle, who is sleeping along side her daddy's bed.

She is the one who will have to grow up never knowing who her daddy was and never knowing just how much he loved her, even before she was ever born.

Niles' doctor has now entered the room to check Niles' vitals, as he does, Roz, followed by Frasier and Martin enter the room.

Dr. Newsome informs us it will be "anytime now" and leaves.

Roz, even though she is family, knows that these final minutes should be immediate family only, gathers a now restless Noelle into her arms, and says she'll take her out in the hall to feed her for me.

Frasier comes over to where I am now sitting, which is on the side of Niles' bed.

I lower my head, ashamed for my tongue-lashing. I try to make amends. "Frasier, about before, I…" but the words escape me.

Somehow he has read my mind and reassures me.

"Its all right Daph, I understand," he whispers.

Martin limps to the other side of his bed, as the Crane men prepare.

For the first time in the twelve years since I have known them both, I detect tears in both their eyes, ready to spill out.

Frasier leans over and does his now customary tousling of his little brother's hair.

"I'll miss my morning coffee with you Niles and listening to your endless babble about everything under the sun. When I said 'I'm listening,' I meant that for my callers, not for my kid brother…" he softly chuckles before turning serious.

"Niles. I apologize for all the times we've quarreled and competed with each other, especially over the foolish things. I guess I was just insecure and afraid to be outdone by my brainy kid brother and I never gave you the credit you so richly and finely deserve."

The tears now fell.

"You're a good man Niles, and more importantly, you're the best kid brother…"

Frasier sniffs and gives his brother one last tousle.

"I love you Niles, and I'm damn proud to be the brother of Dr. Niles Crane."

I glance over at Martin, who now had tears of his own rolling down his cheeks. I knew Frasier had a difficult time getting his words out, and for Martin, it would be even more so.

"Niles…" Martin begins, barely audible. "You know I hate things like this…just tell your Mother when you see her I miss her and I love her, and…"

Long seconds pass before finally, "I love you too, son."

Martin leans over and gives his youngest son, more than likely his first, and now sadly his last, kiss on his forehead.

Frasier stands behind me and places two hands on my quivering and sagging shoulders.

"We'll be outside," Frasier whispers in my ear and kisses me atop my head and both he and Martin head outside.

Committing every curvature, as if I could ever forget, of his body to my tactile memory, I breathlessly and nervously caress my trembling hand over his entire body just as I did the first time we ever made love.

All the emotions and sensations came flooding back as the memory of what I felt that night returned and consumed my entire body.

The playful, pleasurable discovering we shared as we "explored" one another's body.

New emotions and sensations devoured and replaced the old as the realization and the reality of the situation was sinking in.

This time I would be a solo explorer.

This time it would be a painful rediscovering.

This time would be the last time.

I save his chest and face for last.

I run my finger down his surgical scar that serves as a reminder that he is a survivor and that he had his chest cut open.

I run my hand over his chest that was, up until a mere few minutes ago, artificially raised, and lowered. I allow my hand to be buried in his massive sea of chest hair that I have always found so incredibly sexy and irresistible as a pillow.

I now stroke his cheek.

I do not share this with anyone, even with Martin who would understand more than anyone.

I have become desperate in these final minutes.

I search for a sign.

Any sign.

A sigh…

A blink…

A tear…

The squeezing of his hand…

Nothing.

I lean over and pull something from out of my purse.

"Remember this Niles?" I ask him as I ring the bell.

I place it over his head and I lean over and press my lips to his.

Just like our first kiss, which was under the very same mistletoe that now hangs over his head, his touch takes my breath away.

Slowly, I unlock my lips from his.

I am breathless and heavy-hearted.

I take in a deep but unsteady breath.

The "pillow," for the last time, beckons me.

I respond in kind, and I lay my head atop his chest that no longer moves as quickly as it had only moments earlier with assistance.

I listen to his ever slowing, methodical beat of his heart.

Even with my ear pressed to it, it still sounds soft, and weak and very tired and in search of a long rest.

I know his journey still isn't over.

I reassure him.

"You'll be going home very soon, My Love."

Selfishly, I wanted it to be ours.

But in my heart I know, this was no longer about me.

It wasn't about Noelle.

It was about Niles.

The man I love more than anything in this world besides our daughter.

It was about honoring the father of our child and the man that I vowed to love in sickness and in health…

In death do us part…

It was about honoring his final wish.

A wish one couldn't make on snowflakes…

To be continued…


	13. In the Arms of the Angels

**__**

In the Arms of the Angels

__

Niles donned his overcoat and scarf and went outside and tried out his new Christmas present.

He aimed it directly up at the nighttime sky.

The snow clouds from earlier had disappeared, leaving behind a sky filled and painted with stars.

He looked through the eyepiece of his telescope and smiled.

All the stars seemed more brilliant and radiant that night.

It reminded him of the story his Mother had told him and Frasier when they were young boys when their grandfather died. Whenever the stars were more brilliant and radiant, it indicated that heaven had a new resident and that the deceased person had made their way safely home and was now in the arms of the angels.

He set the telescope down and wrapped his arms around his now trembling shoulders.

As tears slid down his cheeks again, he looked up and offered his farewell.

"Sleep in heavenly peace Mother."

It is a brisk, clear night, and the sky is full of stars.

I aim Niles' telescope up at those stars.

As I scan the nighttime sky, the stars suddenly become much more radiant and brilliant.

My tears were now clouding over the lens of the telescope, so I set it down and get Noelle.

When we return, a few random snowflakes start to drift downward. Noelle, bundled up in me arms, snags one of the snowflakes with her tongue.

She closes her eyes and giggles.

Moments later a tiny smile, just like her daddy's, forms across her face.

It was at that moment what I had thought only minutes earlier while looking up at the stars was reaffirmed.

I look up to the still radiant and brilliant stars again, and through my own tears, I bid him my farewell.

"Sleep in heavenly peace, My Love."

I can't help but smile for Niles, My Love, was home…

And in the arms of the angels.

__

The End

__

A/N: To all my loyal readers/reviewers (Renee, Remus, Nancy…you know who you are, even if I may not) I thank you for your encouragement, comments, feedback, reviews etc. It was because of you and your support of not only me but for the belief you had in this story and its potential that provided me the courage to continue when I had my reservations. Thank you everyone for your patience through longer then anticipated delays and for sticking with the story and me. I dedicate this chapter to every one of you with a special extra thanks to Renee. (-: DHPFAN


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